My apologies for missing last week entirely - in a shocking turn of events, I spent all of last week falling asleep at 9:30 which, if you know me you will understand, is alarming. But here I am tonight, 9:00 pm, bright eyed, bushy tailed, haven’t even eaten supper yet - so I am READY.
A few comments from last week since I missed it:
HANNAH BERNER, MY QUEEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
If anyone else knows someone named Beverley who is under 45 years old, please let me know. I don’t believe this is real.
Are normal people really out here thinking that’s how much a man should spend on an engagement ring???? This is outrageous.
I want to like Grant but my spidey senses be TINGLIN.
wtf did Carolina wear on her date….
I really really really like Litia
Just as much as I like Alexe
The GOVERNMENT OF NEW BRUNSWICK posted about the bachelor because of Alexe. Lololol. Praying someone from PEI goes on The Bachelor so we can follow suit.
Alright, back to tonight’s episode. Here we go.
🌹Episode 4: Grant Ellis🌹
How are we affording the rights to all of this music with lyrics this year. CARDI B???
“I’m so emotionally available to this whole journey” why does this feel like a red flag
Carolina looks and dresses like a villain
I heard that Jesse s actually a really good sports commentator (his real job) which makes me love him more.
Do i… have a celebrity crush… on Jesse??
How alarming must this be for onlookers who have no idea what this show is hahahha
I’m so sad we’re being deprived of a Bachelorette season because I want Natalie or Alexe to be it so badly.
Rose is PISSSSSSSSSSSSSED
I came in so hot hating on Dina on the first episode but i think i like her. I hope she doesn’t make me eat my words here.
Stop. Hiring. Child. Actors. For. This. Show.
I cannot with the staged set ups of this show. The tourism boards of these countries are try-hards.
These two are not meant to be. I can tell. He’ll rap at one of her staff parties and she’ll die of embarrassment and leave him asap.
I know it’s a thing, but Dina wearing a diamond D for Dina around her neck every day is hilarious to me
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again - Dina’s boob job is incredible. Deserves an award.
”ice queen” - i respect that she’s so aware and open about how she is perceived
What in the Mr Rogers is he wearing
”it’s even manlier to know ‘I have a woman who can do it,’” OKAY PREACH DINA
Two things can be true at once:;
Dina is STUNNING
she is a walking talking advertisement for plastic surgery and botox
I would hate 100% of this date.
Ok is Madrid the city of love though?? How many cities are the city of love…
I love Alexe’s tattoos so so so so so much omg she is so cool
Parisa looks like so many people. I just saw Lana Del Ray when I looked at her.
Litia is literally the prettiest, most stunning person I have ever seen holy crap.
They’re doing a good job at making us believe Carolina is the villain.
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
Parisa is a girls girl more than anything else
How many doors is Zoe’s shirt going to get caught in
Juliana needs someone to give her some tough-love advice about her eyebrows
i. Freaking. LOVE. DONKEYS.
Where the heck are they where there is not a soul on these streets
Was Zoe just insinuating what i think she was insinuating ahahahha
Dear god i hope these girls have to go in a ring with an actual bull
This show is so freaking unserious.
They spent all their budget on that cardi b song and couldn’t afford good matadoras outfits. Those things are…. Yikes.
alexe is PERFECTION
“grab it’s horn by the bull” holy shit i love this girl
i cannot take these women seriously in these socks/shoes combos
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
I don’t know if Grant is aware that he is 100% wearing a woman’s blazer
I don’t actually know if Grant has had an original thought ever
Parisa he doesn’t care about your rocks, babe. He was not listening. He wanted to kiss your botox-filled lips.
Grant doesn’t have a good “listening” face at ALL
His leg over her??? Is that weird to anyone else?
I am taken aback by Litia’s beauty every. Single. Time. She comes on the screen.
What…. Is Carolina wearing. Pink poofy sleeves?? Velvet gloves?
“You expressed your unsureness still. To this day.” - …. It’s been 2 days.
ope we’ve got the first iteration of “i;m not here to make friends”. Carolina is officially the villain of the season everyone!!
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
“If you don’t want my opinion, don’t ask and i won’t share” - says the person who has been sharing relentlessly
Carolina just needs to go to therapy. She has no idea what’s goin on in her lil head.
Natalie is so unproblematic and lovely.
Meanwhile Carolina is exhausting
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
Her valley girl voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me
tbh looks like he took her to get murdered
Is this the second or third jump this season? Seems excessive.
I would do that solely to decompress my spine.
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
Grant’s stylist needs better cardigan and sweater options because wtf is he wearingggg
“It’s cause my moms watching” HAHAHAHA that’s the realest thing I’ve ever heard on this show
Once again, two things can be true:
Sarafina is stunning
she’s going to look back at this and be embarrassed about her foundation colour being 13 shades different than the rest of her body
okay are all the girls wearing necklaces with their initial or name on them??? Is this how Grant remembers them??
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
I love so many of these dresses omg
I want to see Litia in that green dress that the girl in the middle of the couch is wearing
”blessed with such amazing time with you” he’s not royalty, calm down
Juliana needs to learn how not to smile all the time. She’s the type of girl to smile through a funeral.
WHO IS LETTING CAROLINA PICK HER OUTFITS
Carolina isn’t wrong in this drama, she’s just unlikeable
What the hell is this cry fest.
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
Carolina trying to be nice to Rose and then Rose dishing it back to her instead is fantastic
Carolina and Dina are Ariana and Cynthia Erivo, needing to hold hands for comfort
Him not fighting Rose leaving even for one second is incredible. He SLAAAMMMED that car door.
Is my nose ring as distracting as Julianas, i hope not
📺 COMMERCIAL BREAK 📺
Coats!?!? Just do the ceremony inside????
If he sends Natalie home i swear to god…
grant you are dead to me
”did i talk about rocks too much?” - parisa, honey, dear girl, you sweet thing.
📺 END 📺
Sigh. I miss Joey. Perfect, lovely, hot af, goofy, dorky, non-singing Joey.
But alas, here we are with Grant. I will persevere solely because of my love for Litia and Alexe and praying to God that we get a Bachelor in Paradise with some of these women on it. (let’s manifest that together, thanks).
Until next week! Love you, mean it. xo
